The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
