I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
