I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just invented taco cereal.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
