let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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