Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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