I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
