obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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