Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
