yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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