Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
