Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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