My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
