eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
