Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
