I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
