some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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