What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
