You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
