I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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