We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like abortions should bother me more
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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