Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
