Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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