this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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