I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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