no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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