this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
