cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
