Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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