I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
