How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
