Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
