i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
