How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
