do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
