hotel room ftw
I'm jealous of your bromance
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
