Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
