Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
