My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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