My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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