I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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