She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
