glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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