I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
