yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
