Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
