I can text with my tongue
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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