...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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