My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
