She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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