oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
