I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
