After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
