Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
